NT. SHOP. MORNING. BRIGHT .
Nate (mid twenties) reads a newspaper as he walks out of the newsagents. The shelves are bare other than newspapers and cigarettes. A woman (mid fifties) bumps into him.
WOMAN
Prick.
NATE
Hang on you bumped into me.
WOMAN
Just watch it.
NATE
Oh get lost.
She backs away into the shop. Nate continues to read his newspaper.
HEADLINE IN NEWSPAPER
‘CARBON ASTRONAUT BLOWS OUT BRAINS LIVE ON AIR’
He looks at the sky then back to ground level. The floor is littered with debris. A cat is eating a bird. Broken down cars are parked at angles in the road. A man is riding an elephant through the cars.
ANOTHER HEADLINE
‘SEVEN MORE JUMBO’S FALL FROM SKY’
NATE
Looks like that one landed on its feet.
EXT. OUTSIDE. HOUSE.
Nate is about to put the key in the door. His neighbour’s net curtain moves. He puts his key in the door as though to rush into the house. Dianne (Mid-twenties) wearing a flimsy dressing gown pops her head out of her door. Her ample cleavage is on display.
NATE
How’s things Dianne?
DIANNE
I’m alright but; me poor old mums not too good.
She’s not eating with this all carbon mumbo jumbo.
NATE
She’s tough your mum, she’ll be ok.
DIANNE
Have you seen the colour of the water coming out the tap?
It’s almost black.
NATE
I know it’s horrible.
DIANNE
Why is it black though?
NATE
Its’ full of crap an’ allsorts; and I don’t mean the liquorice type.
You must have heard about the rings of steel they’ve put around the reservoirs.
DIANNE
I’ve seen the news but I don’t know what to believe anymore.
NATE
Propaganda, the think we’re all mushrooms.
DIANNE
How do you mean?
NATE
Keeping us all in the dark and feeding us full of shit.
IANNE
One minute they’re saying don’t panic and then all the doom and gloom merchants.
NATE
You’re best not listening Dianne. It’ll send you nuts.
DIANNE
I’m just trying to look after me and me mum.
NATE
You’ll be alright.
DIANNE
She’s incontinent and I can’t get the pads anywhere.
I’ve been using old blankets and towels but it’s really hard to get them clean with the water.
NATE
They’re draining all the good water underground.
Let’s face it we’re just being left with the dregs.
IANNE
What chance have we got out here?
Crappy water and the power always cutting out.
I’m at my wit’s end.
NATE
They’re getting ready to lock themselves underground until they think it’s all blown over.
DIANNE
It makes my blood boil.
We put them in power and this is how they treat us.
NATE
I’ve never voted for anyone.
In my book politicians are only in it for themselves.
DIANNE
I tried to get hold of some bottled water but there’s none anywhere.
I’ve even started cleaning the water, just like on them survival programmes.
NATE
How’s that then?
DIANNE
Pouring it through a pillow case filled with sand.
It’s supposed to get all the bits out, but it’s no better and still tastes horrible.
NATE
Things are bad all over.
We’ve just got to get on with it and help each other best we can.
No-one else will; especially the politicians
She provocatively rubs in-between her cleavage.
DIANNE
I knew there was something I was gonna ask you.
NATE
Go on then let’s have it.
DIANNE
Can you get anymore of that horse meat?
NATE
You know what they say Dianne; it’s as rare as rocking horse shit nowadays.
She reveals more cleavage.
DIANNE
I’ll make it worth your while if you do.
NATE
I don’t doubt you will.
(Pause)
Look; it sounds as though you’ve got enough on your plate with the nappies.
I can’t promise anything ok…
If I do, I’ll try and keep a bit to one side.
He winks at her then puts the key in the door and opens it.
DIANNE
If you do I’ll make sure you get a bit as well.
NATE
Just as long as it’s not with your mum.
Nate walks into his house. Maurine (60’s) is watching from her doorway opposite. Dianne looks directly at her then opens her gown to reveal her naked body.
DIANNE
What’s the problem Maurine; not got anything to barter with love?
MAURINE
You’ve always been a dirty slut Dianne Buxton.
No respect for anyone or yourself.
DIANNE
RESPECT is that what you call it.
MAURINE
Respect and principles!
DIANNE
Oh yes! And where’s RESPECT got you?
All I see is a sad old bag who’s going hungry.
Maurine slams the door. Dianne closes her gown and walks back into her own house.
INT. LIVING ROOM.
Nate’s mother (Emily) is sat on the couch knitting. His father (Ed) sat in an armchair opposite squinting at the heavily distorted T.V. picture. Nate tosses the newspaper, but it lands on the carpet.
NATE
Give it up dad.
You’ll go blind looking at that thing.
Read the papers instead.
Emily
I keep telling him to turn it off; but will he listen?
He just ignores me.
ED
What should I do then?
Watch you knitting all day.
I can only thank God that there’s no sheep left.
EMILY
I’ve knitted loads of lovely jumpers for you.
I’ve never heard you complain before.
ED
What do you mean I’ve never complained?
EMILY
Go on then; when?
ED
I don’t go down the bowling green anymore because of your bloody knitting.
NATE
Why would that stop you going the green dad?
ED
I didn’t have a clue what they where all laughing at until I saw a duck on the back in the mirror.
NATE
Come off it dad, my mums jumpers keep you warm on that green.
ED
I got sick of the bloody nicknames son; Daffy, Donald, Crispy.
EMILY
If you hate me knitting so much, there are plenty of jobs around here to keep you busy.
ED
Here we go…
EMILY
That bedroom door handle’s been sat on the bedside table for two weeks.
ED
I’ll put it back on when I’ve got time, there’s no rush.
EMILY
No rush? I have to keep the bedroom window shut, because the door bangs in the draft.
It’s playing bloody havoc with my sinuses.
ED
I’ll put it on me list.
EMILY
List – list; it’s more like a book.
NATE
Do you know that Astronaut topped himself dad? Live on air…
Ed picks up the newspaper.
ED
I’m not surprised.
They’ve tormented him.
Should have kept his mouth shut.
NATE
I know what you’re saying dad, but if it was me I wouldn’t have blown my head off in front of millions of people.
ED
What would you have done?
NATE
I’d have blown theirs off.
Better them than me.
Emily sighs without looking up from her knitting.
EMILY
That’s a real shame.
Them bastards have all got a lot to answer for now.
Poor lad was only trying to warn us all wasn’t he.
Imagine what his family must be going through.
Nate and Ed are amused as Emily rarely swears.
EXT. EARLY EVENING.
Next to a field a box van is hidden among trees.
A few hundred yards into the field several horses are grazing next to a Jeep.
A man is sat at the driver’s window with a rifle protruding out.
INT. FRONT OF BOX VAN.
Nate is sat in the driver’s seat. Geoff (Mid thirties) has a shotgun resting between his knees. Lance (early twenties) is sat in the middle.
Music is playing: “Shoot you down” by the Stone Roses.
GEOFF
(To Nate)
What time does this fella disappear?
NATE
Farm hand said he should be gone by seven.
LANCE
Why did we come so early then?
NATE
Because soft Ollie’s we don’t wanna be walking around a field in the dark shouting “Here horsey horsey”.
If we’re sat here until its dark at least we’ll have some idea were they are.
LANCE
There’s no need take the piss, I’ve never done this before.
GEOFF
I’m not laughing at you Jim; just tired that’s all.
LANCE
Who’s Jim? Me names Lance
GEOFF
(To Nate)
Where did you get him from?
NATE
Leave him alone he’s gotta start somewhere.
GEOFF
(To Lance)
Are you sure you’re up to this lad.
LANCE
How hard can it be getting a horse on a van?
Geoff points into the field.
GEOFF
Well see that fella in the jeep.
LANCE
I see him, so what.
GEOFF
If you screw up it won’t be his shooter you need to worry about; it’ll be mine.
NATE
Stop winding him up he’s only a kid.
GEOFF
I’m not winding him up; if I take a bullet in the arse so will you two.
Nate winks at Lance as though to reassure him. Nate decides to lighten the mood.
NATE
Did you know that porn actor Ron Jeremy could suck his own cock, when he first started out in the business?
GEOFF
Bollocks!
NATE
No just his cock.
GEOFF
Nah no way.
If it was two foot long then maybe, but otherwise it’s physically impossible…
LANCE
Have you tried it?
GEOFF
Who’s taking the piss now?
Carry on smart arse and you’ll be sucking the barrel of this.
NATE
It would be bad enough as a kid if you were caught pulling one off by your mum.
What do you reckon he would have said if she caught him sucking one off instead?
Geoff puts the barrel of the gun in his mouth.
GEOFF
It’s not what it looks like. Honest.
EXT. FIELD. DARK.
Geoff and lance are crouched in the field within feet of the horses.
Geoff turns toward the trees and flashes a torch twice. He then turns to Lance.
GEOFF
Keep as quiet as you can and don’t do anything until I say.
The box van edges slowly into the field with its lights off. It pulls up alongside.
Nate gets out of the van and crouches next to them.
NATE
(Whispers to Lance)
Get to the back of the van and put the shutter up.
Unwind the ropes from the winch and drag them over here.
Be quiet and don’t spook the horses.
Lance quickly shuffles away. A horse comes closer to Nate and Geoff.
GEOFF
It looks like we have a willing volunteer.
NATE
What’s the script this time?
GEOFF
You keep it mellow while I swing around the back of it.
NATE
Why me?
You shot the last one, it’s my turn…
GEOFF
It’s only your turn when you bring your own shooter.
Nate stands up cautiously. Geoff disappears.
Nate calmly approaches the horse and pats it on the neck. He puts his other hand underneath its jaw and strokes it gently.
NATE
(Softly)
It’s ok fella; take it easy now, take it easy fella…
There you go, nice and easy nice and easy.
You like that don’t …
GUN BLAST: BANG! BANG!
The horse falls dead at Nate’s feet. A startled look on his blood splattered face as he continues to pat fresh air. Geoff comes up behind him and pats him on the back.
GEOFF
(Calmly)
Wasn’t that bad was it.
NATE
What are you playing at?
You almost took my head off.
I thought we were gonna do a count down.
GEOFF
What did you expect me to do?
Shoot it in the kneecaps.
Anyway horses can’t count.
NATE
A warning wouldn’t have gone a miss you mad bastard.
My ears are all muffled now.
GEOFF
Stop whinging you tart. Where’s soft arse gone. Lance! Lance!
Lance appears from behind the van. He drags the ropes and drops them near the horse.
LANCE
I can’t stand the sight of blood.
GEOFF
GET YOUR FINGER out of your arse and tie its legs.
The jeep is speeding across the field towards them.
Geoff walks in the direction of the jeep and raises the gun.
NATE
What are you playing at; we haven’t got time to piss around.
GUN BLAST: BANG! BANG!
The jeep swerves and rolls onto its side. Lance runs off.
NT. VAN. DRIVING IN DARK.
NATE
What if he’s dead?
Geoff shrugs his shoulders.
NATE
You’re a cold Bastard.
Tell me it’s all an act and that you actually do care a little bit.
GEOFF
Nope.
NATE
I don’t believe this.
You could have just aimed for the tyres.
GEOFF
I did aim for the tyres.
That’s why it rolled over.
NATE
We should have checked.
He could be lying badly injured or even dead.
GEOFF
Why do you think he carries a gun round with him?
If the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn’t have thought twice about blowing any of us away.
NATE
He could have kids waiting at home.
They could’ve even seen the jeep going over. They could be…
GEOFF
All we saw was the Jeep on its side, and for all we know he’s probably there with them now telling them what a big hero he is.
NATE
And you nearly blew me head off.
Look at me!!!
I’m covered in horse blood.
Lance and Geoff laugh.
NATE
One second I was stroking it and then I’m patting fresh air.
LANCE
I shit myself.
NATE
I don’t know what you two are laughing at; next time I’m doing do the shooting.
GEOFF
You’ll have to get your own shooter then.
NATE
Don’t worry about that, and when I do you can do all the donkey work.
LANCE
Donkey – Horse. Do you get it?
NATE
You’ve got some nerve Houdini.
We spent longer looking for you, than it did to find Bin Laden…
LANCE
It’s not my fault.
I really did shit myself.
GEOFF
Are you for real?
LANCE
I popped a turtles head when you shot the horse.
Then when you shot the jeep it was a full on follow through.
I had to throw me undies away.
NATE
I knew I could smell shit.
GEOFF
Look on the bright side.
NATE
What bright side; how can there be a bright side.
GEOFF
At least he’s not still wearing them.
LANCE
I had to drag me arse along the grass like a dog on a carpet.
NATE
Stop talking about it; you’re making me sick.
LANCE
Where did the petrol from?
NATE
It’s not petrol it’s gas.
Didn’t you notice the massive cylinder next to the winch?
LANCE
Whose van is it?
NATE
What’s with the third degree?
LANCE
Just making conversation; that’s all.
NATE
Well talk about something else shitty arse.
NT. BEDROOM. MORNING.
Dianne is cuddled up next to Nate. He opens his eyes and slowly stretches. Dianne wakes up.
DIANNE
What time is it?
NATE
It’s quarter past seven.
Dianne snuggles in closer.
DIANNE
Have you heard from Lisa and the kids lately?
NATE
Last time was over 5 months ago.
Got a letter and a few photos but that’s about it.
DIANNE
What about her family.
Do you still speak to them?
NATE
I’ve seen her dad around a few times but he’s not heard much either.
DIANNE
He must have heard something?
NATE
He clams up when I talk to him, like he’s embarrassed.
I try and have a joke with him, but I can tell he just wants to get away.
DIANNE
Why’s that.
NATE
Big on religion him and his Mrs.
When Lisa left with the kids they sort of blamed themselves.
DIANNE
You must really miss them?
NATE
I miss the kids but they’re better off were they are in Australia.
It seems like be the only place on the planet were everything’s still kind of normal.
DIANNE
He’s a pilot isn’t he?
NATE
A crop sprayer somewhere in Queensland.
I don’t think he’s gonna be doing that much longer; the way planes are falling out the sky.
DIANNE
He must be a good fella taking on two kids.
NATE
I suppose so but it doesn’t stop me wanting to hate him.
That said the way things have turned out I’m kind of grateful.
DIANNE
He got off with your wife and kids.
Why should you be grateful to him?
You owe him nothing.
NATE
It takes two to tango.
They’re just as bad as each other in my book.
DIANNE
I never liked her.
NATE
No love lost there then.
She used to say your toes were more like earrings.
DIANNE
The cheeky cow.
NATE
At least the kids are being looked after and in a safe place for now.
I’ve got enough to worry about looking after number one. I’ll see them again.
DIANNE
Haven’t you thought of packing up and going out to see them?
NATE
It’s a long swim.
Anyway time I wasn’t here.
Nate sits up on the side of the bed. Dianne sits against the headboard. He spreads tobacco on a cigarette paper.
DIANNE
Can’t you stay just ten more minutes?
NATE
I’ve got to get that horse sorted out before someone sees it.
Dianne pulls down the covers off herself to reveal her naked body.
DIANNE
Anyone would think you couldn’t wait to get away from me.
NATE
(Grinning)
I suppose ten more minutes won’t make that much difference.
He throws away the unfinished roll up. Dianne pulls the covers over them.
DIANNES MOTHER
Dianne! Are you there love?
I need changing. Dianne… Dianne…
DIANNE
I’ll be there in a minute mum.
MOTHER
It’s seeping out again and it smells awful.
Please can you do it now?
She jumps out of bed and leaves the room.
DIANNE
Bloody hell mum I’ve got company.
MOTHER
Oh no; how many this time.
You’re going to catch something if you carry on.
DIANNE
Keep your voice down.
That was just a bit of fun that got out of hand.
Where do you think all the chocolate and tins of coffee come from?
EXT. DIANNES FRONT DOOR.
Nate leaves Dianne’s house closing the door behind him. The dead horse is jammed in the entry.
NATE
What am I gonna do with you then eh?
The gate opens at the opposite end of the entry. Emily is pulling wheelie bin. She sees the dead horse and screams. Nate scrambles towards her.
EMILY
Aaaggghhh!
NATE
Shhhhh shhhh its ok it’s alright it’s alright.
Don’t worry don’t worry it’s alright.
EMILY
What’s it doing here?
Oh my God the stench.
NATE
I was gonna get rid of it before you got up.
EMILY
Get rid of it right now.
NATE
What are you doing putting the rubbish out?
There are no bin men anymore.
Ed appears at the gate wielding a rounder’s bat above his head. He sees the horse and freezes.
ED
Bloody hell what are you playing at lad.
NATE
We were gonna put it behind the shed last night but it got jammed here.
We tried for ages but it won’t budge.
Emily slaps Nate across the face. She bursts into tears. Ed pulls her away from him.
Emily
I want it gone.
Just get rid of it.
Get it out of here now.
ED
You know what he’s like “Shit for brains an if he had any he’d be dangerous”.
Come on love he’s only trying to help us out.
Just come inside while he gets rid of it.
NATE
It’ll be gone in an hour or so I promise.
ED
You’ve got twenty minutes soft arse; and if it isn’t gone by then there’s gonna be trouble.
EMILY
That poor horse Jack what has it ever done to anyone?
Ed and Emily disappear through the gate Nate looks at the horse. Its tongue is hanging out.
A neighbour Alan (thirties) walks past the entry.
ALAN
I hope that’s the one I backed yesterday.
Let me down for fifty quid.
NATE
Nice one Al. Don’t want to give me a hand moving it do you mate.
I’ll make it worth your while.
ALAN
I’ll go and get me chainsaw; but I want some of the best cuts though.
NATE
Sure mate sure.
EXT. THE STREET. AFTERNOON. RAINING.
Nate Lance and Geoff are covered in blood. Each is dragging two large sacks. Nate lets his two sacks fall to the floor.
LANCE
I’ve never been that sick in my life.
The smell from the guts urggghhhh.
GEOFF
Get it up lad get it out.
Just don’t cry like a little girl this time.
LANCE
I’d never seen a dead horse until yesterday. You didn’t say I’d be cutting it up as well.
GEOFF
These are new times lad and if you want survive you’re gonna need to toughen up.
It might be your first time but it won’t be the last.
NATE
Come off it Geoff I saw you puking your guts up.
GEOFF
Not saying I didn’t, but I never cried like Shirley Temple.
Straight up an out.
LANCE
Who’s Shirley Temple?
GEOFF
Were you born thick or are you just pretending.
If you are you’re doing a great job.
LANCE
Why do you keep having a pop at me; I only asked.
Geoff has noticed people looking out of their windows and doors.
GEOFF
(To both)
Shut up and start dragging the bags.
We’re sitting ducks and getting too much attention stood here.
LANCE
Why didn’t we stick them in the van; it feels like we’ve been dragging them for ages now.
NATE
It’s being used for something else.
LANCE
Where are we taking them?
GEOFF
To the vets.
LANCE
Why are they buying some of us?
NATE/GEOFF
(Together)
You dozy bastard!
Ahead are a group of five men with golf clubs spreading out across the road? One swings a chain.
Geoff rips a cuff off his shirt. He rolls it into a gum shield and places it in his mouth. Lance is backing away.
NATE
Oh shit.
GEOFF
Don’t let them see you’re scared.
Chill out we can do this.
NATE
(To Lance)
You’d better not be thinking what I think you are.
We’re in this together.
LANCE
I’ve popped another turtle’s head.
GEOFF
You’re gonna have to start wearing nappies.
NATE
(Shouting)
Come on Fletch there’s no need for this, can’t we work something out.
FLETCH
Course we can. Drop the sacks and piss off.
GEOFF
(Whispering)
No chance,
Nate also rips a cuff off his shirt and places it in his mouth.
NATE
Can’t be done Fletch.
LANCE
Is it worth it; we can always get another horse.
GEOFF
No ones taking it without a battle.
I’ll take him out first and the rest will bottle it.
NATE
Just stay close Lance you’ll be alright.
GEOFF
READY.
NATE
Let’s do it.
Geoff sprints toward them followed by Nate.
LANCE
I’ll keep an eye on the meat eh?
FLETCH
(Shouting)
You had your chance lads.
GEOFF
SO DID YOU DICKHEAD…
Geoff reaches Fletch blocking the chain with his arm, and then head butts him.
Fletch fall to the floor.
Geoff delivers a knock out kick to his head.
Another of the gang set’s upon him as he fights back. Geoff makes short work of him.
GEOFF
Come on then. Come on!
Nate is taking on two of the others.
NATE
Do something Lance. Do something.
LANCE
Oh shit shit shit.
Lance attempts to flee but is quickly caught by the fifth man. Geoff heads to help Nate. One goes for Geoff but quickly hits the floor unconscious. Nate finishes the other.
NATE
(Shouting)
Didn’t have to come to this you prick’s.
Lance is spread-eagled on the ground. The male is standing over him.
GEOFF
Don’t you fucking dare? BACK OFF NOW.
He ignores Geoff and jumps heavily on Lances head. He turns then runs. Geoff gets to Lance first.
GEOFF
Lance wake up son.
Lance, Lance…
NATE
How is he?
GEOFF
He’s coming round.
How many fingers am I holding up?
LANCE
Two I think.
GEOFF
How many now?
LANCE
Three.
GEOFF
You’ll be alright.
NATE
You did well there Lance.
LANCE
Did we beat them?
NATE
Yeah you battered that fella.
He couldn’t get away quick enough.
I seen you slip and bang your head on the kerb.
LANCE
Head’s killing me.
GEOFF
It’s made of wood; you’ll be alright.
LANCE
What about the meat.
They look anxiously in the direction of the sacks. A crowd fight over the contents. Geoff and Lance run at the crowd.
Geoff punches out as Nate grabs a horse’s leg that a woman is trying to drag away.
NATE
This is ours get away; go on piss off.
It’s ours- it’s ours.
WOMAN
This is mine get your own; I’ve got kids to feed you bastard.
The crowd disperse far enough for Nate and Geoff to control the situation. Lance walks toward them. He is unsteady on his feet.
LANCE
Did I really beat him?
I’ve never won a fight before.
GEOFF
Yeah you beat him lad. His feet must be bloody killing him.
NATE
The meat the meat.
For fucks sake.
GEOFF
There’s still plenty left.
Nate kicks out at a sack.
NATE
There’s load’s gone.
I don’t believe this.
LANCE
Well at least there’s enough to split up among us.
Nate angrily throws an empty sack to one side. Geoff sees Fletch attempting to get to his feet. He nudges Nate and points at Fletch.
NATE
What!
GEOFF
Well he did wanna dance.
NATE
I fancy the stomp.
They saunter toward him menacingly.
FLETCH
Come on lads there’s no need for this now.
It was a mistake that’s all…
NT. LIVING ROOM. EARLY EVENING.
Nate’s is sat in an armchair. His mother is knitting; quietly humming.
He strains to listen to the radio. The reception is just about audible.
This is the 7 O’clock news…
Protesters have attempted to storm number 10….Reports suggest that up to a hundred dead and many seriously injured as military forces used live ammunition. ..
The Prime Minister has called for a state of emergency.
NATE
Did you hear that mum?
EMILY
Hear what son.
NATE
They’ve shot more on Downing Street.
EMILY
Did they get hold of him?
NATE
He wasn’t there.
EMILY
That’s hundreds they’ve shot this week. They’ll get him eventually it’s Just a matter of time.
No matter which way you look at it his days are numbered.
NATE
Trouble is mum our days are numbered as well.
He’ll already be in an underground bunker, with the rest of the shithouses.
People like you and dad put them in power and this is what they do.
EMILY
I don’t want you getting any silly ideas about going down that London with them mates of yours.
NATE
I’ve never been one to upset the applecart mum.
Who else would you have to scare you half to death first thing in the morning?
EMILY
Me and your dad first met at a protest in the 80’s.
We could get away with it then love.
Not now! They’d shoot us…
NATE
You can’t blame people for going after them mum.
EMILY
The governments don’t matter anymore son.
It’s the cuts we need to worry about.
There won’t be anywhere safe when they take hold.
NATE
I’ll look after us mum.
EMILY
It’s like humanity has gone into bloody reverse.
NATE
Your right there mum.
Me dad looked like Neanderthal man this morning in his Y/fronts.
Nate fiddles with the dial on the radio for a better reception.
More than 100,000 people lined the streets of Dallas today for the funeral of astronaut John Marshal… As the funeral cortege passed by protesters went on the rampage… Police and armed forces once again opened fire with live ammunition… Army commanders have issued stark warnings stating that anybody who is out after curfew will be shot on sight…
There is a break in transmission through interference.
NATE
Where’s me dad mum?
EMILY
In the shed playing with his home brew.
XT. THE GARDEN. DARK.
Nate is creeping up to the doorway of the shed. Inside Ed is squinting as he checks the colour of the beer.
ED
Liquid gold.
He takes a refreshing gulp of beer. He puts the bottle down on his workbench. Nate jumps inside the shed. Ed stumbles backward with fright.
NATE
No wonder you love it so much in here.
ED
(Startled)
Are you trying to finish me off soft lad?
NATE
That’s rich from a man who used to jump out me wardrobe and scare the shit out of me as a kid.
ED
Bloody dickhead you wanna grow up.
NATE
Chill out dad.
Everything’s so bloody serious nowadays.
ED
And it’s only gonna get worse.
NATE
They’re shooting more people in London and Dallas.
Thousands are dead.
ED
That astronaut was only trying to warn everyone.
Did they think we wouldn’t notice a yellow sky with boats that won’t float and planes that don’t fly?
Nate and Ed pick up a bottle.
NATE
How about a toast to John Marshall dad.
ED/NATE
(Together)
John Marshall.
ED
Bless his cotton socks.
They both take a sip.
NATE
It looks like piss dad but it’s a better than the stuff coming out of the taps.
He attempts to take another sip. Ed snatches the bottle of him.
ED
No you don’t! After what you’ve been up to today.
Your poor mum nearly had a heart attack this morning.
Ed notices the bruises on Nate’s face. He offers the bottle back.
ED
Here you might as well get it down you now you’ve had your gammy lips around it.
So who’s been using your face as a punch bag?
NATE
A bit of a golfing accident.
ED
Someone whacked your head off the Tee then.
NATE (Long Sigh)
Something like that dad.
EXT. MORNING. GEOFFS BACK GARDEN.
Nate and Geoff are milling around. Geoff spits on a rusty sword blade then lowers it to the grinder.
His wife Jackie appears at the back door holding her son Mark by the scruff of the neck. She slaps his head.
JACKIE
Can you get him out from under my feet?
He’s being a real pain in the arse.
GEOFF
I told you not to be winding her up lad.
MARK
Why’s she always hitting me?
I hate her.
She releases him and slaps him again.
She storms off back inside.
Geoff winks at him.
GEOFF
That makes two of us lad.
MARK
Why are you doing that dad?
GEOFF
Just bored son and there’s nothing else to do.
Anyway why aren’t you at school?
NATE
Why are you so worried about school?
It never bothered you.
GEOFF
Because I don’t want him robbing horses and fighting gobshites like Fletcher.
MARK
No teachers are turning up so it’s been scrapped.
They reckon there’s no point in coming in because were all gonna die anyway.
Geoff shakes his head while he grinds the blade.
NATE
That’s rubbish; no-ones gonna die, least of all a tough kid like you.
GEOFF
Take no notice mate we’re gonna be alright.
I’ll look after us all like I always have.
No matter what happens we’ll get by.
MARK
What are we gonna do dad?
JACKIE
When are you gonna unblock this bloody sink Geoff.
All the water keeps coming back up.
NATE
I’ll give you a hand mate.
Me mums been having the same trouble lately.
Geoff stops pedalling the grinder and hands the sword to Mark.
Geoff and Nate head toward the back door.
GEOFF
You can finish it off for me but be careful.
Mark sits on the seat and pedals. Suddenly the side of his head is covered in sticky mucus.
He stops grinding and looks in the direction of where the mucus had come from.
MARK
DDDDDDaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd!!!!
Geoff and Nate run back out.
GEOFF
What’s happened what’s the matter?
Marks bottom lip is quivering. Geoff notices the mucus all over him.
GEOFF
Where did all this come from?
Mark says nothing; he just raises his arm and points. A camel’s head is hanging over the wall
GEOFF
Well that’s something you don’t see every day son.
MARK
What is it?
GEOFF
Dinner son. Dinner…
Barry Finch 2014