There is nothing better than having the suggestion

To share your shower and kettle with someone to rightly save a bob or two,

I just have to ask the obvious question

How do I get the sexy film star to share my bathroom, kitchen or loo?

My shower is only just the right size for me to wash

My kettle, since I don’t drink beer, my only joy

The bathroom is tiny, it would be a squash

Could you imagine the starlet saying, “O.K then boy

Once we have turned out the light at seven o’clock

And got beneath the four duvets to keep out the cold

Wearing three sets of clothes and on our hands two pairs of socks…”

To be amorous, she would look foolish, not suave and bold.

The thought of it, who would need a hot shower then?

I would be better off standing naked in the rain

With a bar of soap and shampoo keeping me company, praise the Lord Amen.

Of course the man with the clip board is right, he has used his brain.

I have no doubt that he does exactly what he suggests

And to save time and money showers once a week

And does it in his copious pants and three pairs of vests

To be like his customers and feel ever so meek.

I have no problem with sharing a shower

Although it wouldn’t be good to have someone judge you as you hang out

Perhaps combining doing the washing up, rinsing off the latent self-rising flour

Or perhaps I am reading this wrong and a instead of a trough and a snout

Through the lack of space and through the vapour

And mist covering us all

What they mean is the biggest caper

For us all to shower together with no water in a room in some sort of free-for-all.

 

Ian D. Hall 2014